Sunday, October 30, 2011

Silence is Divine (Fear Will Keep Us Together)


Be still. Breathe. Listen.

Life isn't about being smooth, it's about being authentic. Sometimes we get so busy setting standards for others, holding expectations for situations, others and ourselves that we create inner turmoil that clouds who we authentically are and what reality truly is.

Be still and breathe.

Underlying that need to control situations, people and what's happening around is fear. Fear of sitting with discomfort, fear of being alone, fear of emptiness, fear of not knowing what to do or say. This fear, if we allow it to live in us keeps us in turmoil and prevents us from fully living and experiencing life. Therefor it's important to become a witness to your own situation. To be still and listen to the fear. Introduce yourself to it, welcome it in, and embrace it so you can see it clearly, hold it and release it.

By being still. Sitting with the uncomfortableness, slowing down, sitting with the fear you allow yourself to observe how it's controlling you. You'll be able to soften it's grip or hold on you. Reflect on your motivation and you'll be able to find the source of your fear. It is your ego that holds the fear. Your ego is motivating the fear. Look through your egos story so you can see yourself undistorted and clearly. So much better to meet your fear, introduce yourself to it and send it on its way then to allow it to guide you off your path.

So, how does this all apply to living single? Well, it makes me think of how when we're single we often strive to improve ourselves so we can attract a worthy mate. We strive to become a worthy partner, so we can attract a worthy partner. All the self help books we read to become a magnet to attract a wonderful man/woman that we devour can actually send us off track, because all this focus on attracting the right person is motivated by fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of feeling empty without a partner to fill us up, fear of being alone and not having someone to care for us, fear of not "feeling" love or loved. To solve this we often fill our minds with all the self help books we can get our hands on geared toward helping us find a mate, which results in self improvement for the purpose of another. Improving oneself for the benefit of another is no longer about "self." It's again another form of doing and being what someone else might want.
The goal and purpose to improve oneself is to live a richer live and fulfill our purpose whether that is done single or in a partnership. The goal is to meet ourselves. To say to oneself "Nice to meet you. This is ME."

To find our authentic, wonderful, marvelous self is to get to the hear of "I", "Me." The goal isn't to "partner up" because this goal is driven by fear. The goal is to partner with self. However, the outcome of finding oneself and being truly authentic to who you are will make you a person others will want to be around. It will draw people to you, friends and lovers. So, the outcome of living authentically will be that the man/woman of your dreams won't resist wanting to be in your company. But, it's not the purpose of being authentically you.

Being in a relationship may be my preference. Life IS richer when it's shared, there is no doubt about that. But finding a partner isn't my daily purpose. Finding myself is. Finding out who I authentically am and meeting her minute to minute, day to day is my purpose. The outcome of that may be that then others who are living their life authentically, unclouded and sharing themselves without masks will be drawn into my path. But the goal of being on the path is to improve my life, to get to know myself and find out all I can about who I am, not about who someone else is. God has created me with thoughts, interest, and desires. It honors him when I value and honor who I truly am.

For today, I intend to practice minute to minute, day to day, letting go of standards and expectations I may have for somebody, or something else and just be still. I intent to slow down, breath and listen more. I'll practice being silent and listening to my motivation. When I can find the source of my motivation, I'll be able to see myself more clearly and know if I'm acting out of fear or if I'm grounded in realness. If it is fear that is motivating me then I intend to greet my fears with arms wide open. Look them straight in the eye, smile at them, and give them a fine "How do you do?" I may even shake fears hand, hold it in my arms for a brief time, feel it, smell it, embrace, then politely nod and say "ba bye" and send those pesky ole' fears off on their merry way.

In those moments when your thoughts drift to the "love" you thought you had w/your previous psychopathic lover/spouse. Look deeper into yourself.

Be still. Be silent.

Let your inner self come out of hiding. If she's frightened. Introduce yourself to her fears and see them for who they truly are.

Illusions. Illusions of nothing.

Be present in that very instant. In that very moment. What's harming you? Nothing. Memories of a lie that is trying to eat you alive? It's all smoke and mirrors. No such memory exists. It never existed. in the first place. Whatever it was you thought you found in that illusion isn't there. The love, the warmth, the smiles, the security you thought you knew during that time, was an imagery. It came from w/in you. No one else brought those to you. It's in you. Now she's just waiting for you to let her out so she can introduce herself to you and tell you not to worry. She's got it covered. She has everything you need to meet your every desire. She is highly capable of taking care of you. Nothing to fear in her presence. She's strong, loving, adaptable, charismatic, intelligent, whimsical, capable, talented, and wise. She is you.


  1. Thank you so much for this. Just what I needed to get over the psychopathic snake I loved for five years.

  2. You are so welcome. I apologize for not getting back to this sooner. I had contemplated deleting this blog because for a time, I felt like maintaining it kept me in the head space of that relationship. I wanted to completely delete it from my life and memory. I now have had enough time, space and healing that I can be of help to others without holding my own healing hostage. I would love to know how you are doing. Please send me an update. I hope you are healing and moving forward with your life.

  3. Amazing words. Thank you. My psychopath has shaken me to my very core, he has shown me weaknesses within myself I didn't know existed. He has belittled me to a point so low I never imagined the strong, independent, intelligent, loving, free-spirited me could sink to. I do not have the capability of inflicting such evil words and actions upon my worst enemy; yet I have the capability to tolerate it inflicted towards me numerously and of course, unwarrantedly. My heart is heavy. But not from hatred or anger towards my psychopath. I refuse to not face my own grievous fault in any situation in my life. This one is no different. What I allow, is what will continue. I am finally FURIOUS enough at myself for letting this go on - for tolerating, for accepting betrayal, disrespect, deceit, violence and cruel threats in return for my love time, energy, loyalty and affection. For letting myself be taken for granted. It is not my psychopath's fault. In fact, he warned me when the relationship first began. And I dismissed his warnings while I lay snuggled into his heartless chest. I have learnt a lot, but i am aware my knowledge is merely learned thought without its application. I must now act. It is time to pull out the courage and strength i know i have, and start a new journey in discovering me again. It is time to fall back in love with me. I can't thank you enough for the words in this blog, Lisa.
    Love a survivor, not a statistic xo

  4. Nice to hear from you "Survivor." I thank you as well. I thank you for bringing me back to myself. I've been having a rough time this year. Your comment brought me back to this blog post which I reread. My own words are at this very moment helping me get to know "me" again. That's a good thing.

    Don't be too hard on yourself. You were given double images and mixed messsages from teh heartless chest you laid your head on. He played a mind and heart game with you using rules you couldn't possibly have been aware of before meeting him. Love and forgive yourself with the same love and forgiveness you gave this other person. For YOU are far more deserving and capable of recieving that love and forgiveness. Best of luck and be well. :D Lisa