Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Other Side of the Coin

My emotional side doesn't want to judge the predator that a psychopath is. I've been a victim, yet I still struggle between empathy, compassion, understanding and judgement.

The trouble is we the victims, are filled with emotional memories that linger long after the robot of destruction moved on to destroy their next target. It’s those lingering memories that I’m at odds with so often. I can clearly see how his current victim is dupped. I’ve known him 8 years. I think I know him as much as anyone can know a psychopath. I know all his evil and all his seemed goodness.I have a difficult time dismissing his ‘gentel sensitive’ facade, even in the face of every evil, cruel deed he did or malicious word he said. I’m living daliy with the after effects. He’s moving on in the blink of an eye living this new life onto his next thrill w/absolutely no thought of me. Perhaps other than wondering if he might be able to somehow come back for a fix of dominance on occasion.I am left to wrestle with the past emotional turmoil alone.

I often supsected, but never even allowed myself to follow through with this thought because it seemed unreal to me. But, now I see it as compeltely and totally valid. My ex married his ex wife for the sole purpose of hurting her and getting even with her.

They met as teenagers and w/in 2 weeks(he’s changed the story a few times, 2 weeks a few months give or take) they decided it would be a great idea to have a baby! He says she used him to get pregnant.Yet he also says it was both their idea. Anyhow, she got pregnant very quickly in their courtship. Only weeks later he said something, he doesn’t recall what it was (according to him), or she just on a whim decided she had used him for his sperm and now she was off in hiding with his child. She disappeared for 3 years. He claims to have looked for her all 3 years, but wasn’t ‘able to explain how he went about doing that. Anyhow, 3 – 4 years later he and his brother are on an airplane flying back from college to their hometown. When suddenly a little boys head pops up from the seat in front of him and looks back at him smiling. His brother mentions how much that child looks like my ex and says to him he thinks that is the child his previous girlfriend had. Low and behold he peeks around the corner and there is the ex gf sitting on the same plane, same flight heading to the same place with his child. This is one of the 1st stories he tells his victims to establish what a sensitive dad he is. He tells it with great emotion and sentiment. I’m sure I recall a tear or two during his story telling with me. Well, not long after they begin dating again. He told me once, he had forgiven her and years later that he hadn’t for running off with his child. They courted. (HIS explanation) He never loved her, but she planned this wedding. He didn’t’ propose to her. She didn’t propose to him. Not really. She just planned the wedding and he just showed up. Oops. He got married and didn’t know what happened. (again this is HIS version) so here he is married to a woman he didn’t even love. But, to be a good dad and do the right thing he did it. He chose to stand her up the night of the rehearsal dinner. He doens’t know why. He just thought it’d be fun to go gambling instead. Then he didn’t kiss her on their wedding night because he was still mad at her for running off for more than 3 years with their child. Oh, he did have sex with her. He needed sex. But, she didn’t deserve to be kissed. Besides he didn’t love her. Kissing is too special to be wasted on someone you don’t truly love. Even your wife. Moving ahead, she gets pregnant again. Using him again, poor duped fellow because she wants a sibling for their son. Well, w/in a yr 1/2 she’s had the second baby. But by now, they are in seperate bedrooms, hers with a lock on it to keep him out. He’s shocked that she’s asked for a divorce.
Because she’s working and he’s a stay at home dad but she wanted him to make some $ as well. Such a demanding witch. He being the “good guy and good dad” decided to make her happy and begin substitute teaching. But she still wasn’t happy. He didn’t make enough $.See how demanding she can be? Now she wants a divorce. Therefore he’s decided she’s a lesbian, has post pardem depression and is bipolar Why else would a women married to him be unhappy? (Gosh I should have written the story up when I first heard it. It all seems so clear to me today, seeing here in print!)I’ll end there.

The story continues through the divorce and custody battle which is when I met him. I’m now clearly convinced he married her strictly to imprison her. Inflict the most amount of torture he could, force her to leave them then attempt to take the children from her through a custody battle. It is so obvious!! I even helped him get custody (joint). What an efin fool I was!!!! He was court ordered to take a parenting class before the courts would consider granting him even the opportunity to apply for joint custody, which he chose to do on line. Well, all that caring parenting stuff was too difficult for him to make sense of. I was a smart woman and such a great writer who could do a much better job taking that class for him so he could get custody. He buttered me up into taking that stupid class for him.

This story just illustrated for me how psychopaths live in a whole other realm than we do,  having no conscience, or empathy and desiring only to destroy all that is good.  He had no other motive but to make her suffer as greatly as possible. Marrying her, torturing her and taking the one thing she loved more than anything, her children was his perfect solution. I always found it odd that he spoke so much about how important being a dad was to him. Yet, the weeks he had his children, I was the only one there taking care of them. He was off doing other things. Even when he was home, he was checked out. I spent time with them, tucked them in, read them bedtime stories, held them, fed them, did their homework with them as they got older.When they cried in the middle of the night it was for me, not for him. It felt like the custody was between his ex wife and me not him. I was so niave!!!!  Pure egocentrical evil.

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