Just as all people are unique and different, so are psychopaths. Yes, they all have very common traits that set them apart from the rest of society. But, they also have traits and characteristics expressed w/in a realm of various categories of psychopathy. As in many attached labels to any group of people there will also be crossovers. One person isn't 100% narcissistic, or 100% paranoid. Rather degrees of these attributes are present in varying levels w/in an individual.
"Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a "breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety" Read more at Suite101: Sexual Behavior: Sex and Personality Disorders | Suite101.com http://sam-vaknin.suite101.com/sexual-behavior-a8530#ixzz1bij52fVnThis was how my ex viewed sex, as a way to quell his anxiety. Sex with him was very impersonal and he always needed to assert himself as being the one in complete and absolute control.
He always had to be doing, or saying something to alienate me, anger me, or push me away, or completely discard me, only to turn up sometimes minutes later, sometimes hrs, other times days later- wanting sex. This was foreplay to him. He could keep his illusion of having conquered something(someone) and recycle that behavior and person in the same manner again and again. After about the 6th year it would get so bad that he would be incredibly cruel, make being in his presence intolerable, so I'd either insist he leave, (if we were at my house), or I'd decide to leave if I were at his home. My ex would then phone me w/in 3 minutes to tell me how he missed me, didn't want to be w/out me, doesn't know why those things came out of his mouth, it's all his fault and would I please, please, come back. He'd promise to light candles, get some wine, put on some nice music, literally whateve it was that he knew I wanted from him - he'd then dangle like a carrot to entice me. Of course rarely if ever were these promises followed through.
"The somatic narcissist uses other people's bodies to masturbate. Sex with him - pyrotechnics and acrobatics aside - is likely to be an impersonal and emotionally alienating and draining experience. The partner is often treated as an object, an extension of the somatic narcissist, a toy, a warm and pulsating vibrator." (http://samvak.tripod.com/journal21.html)
A warm body next to him is all he required. He couldn't be bothered to touch his partner, kiss his partner, or do anything he was sure his partner wanted. But, he would certainly insist he was well taken care of in every way. If his partner decided not to comply he'd either lay there and take care of his need himself by masterbating, or he'd force himself on his partner. That was the biggest turn on to him. The more unhappy you were in the sexual experience, the more excited he would become. I'm sure this is another reason why he'd create so much turmoil and drama just prior to wanting sex. He knew you'd either not be interested and he'd have to work extra hard to conquer you, or he would just cut to the chase and take you regardless if you were willing or not.
"It is a mistake to assume type-constancy. In other words, all narcissists are BOTH cerebral and somatic. In each narcissist, one of the types is dominant. So, the narcissist is either OVERWHELMINGLY cerebral - or DOMINANTLY somatic. But the other type, the recessive (manifested less frequently) type, is there. It is lurking, waiting to erupt."(http://samvak.tripod.com/journal21.html)
True. He would oscillate between two or three extremes. He'd be hyper-sexual, wanting it ALL the time. Other times, he'd be hypo-sexual, not wanting it at all. He'd still want to masturbate of course. Can't ever go w/out that! Other times he'd pretend not to want it, or me - only to turn around seconds later, or minutes, or hours, and demand it.
The one consistency is that his needs, were the only needs that mattered. I could have been a warm pulsating blow up doll and that would have been alright with him. His dream may be a warm life like Stepford Wife. She would have no needs of her own and he could pretend to torture her to his hearts content w/out repercussions. His dream date.