Thursday, July 25, 2013

How to Know if I'm Dating A Sociopath or Psychopath

Are you asking yourself this? Are you wondering if you are dating a sociopath, or psychopath? They are nearly the same disorder. Experts can't even agree which behaviors to classify as sociopath, and which to classify as psychopath. So, starting here for the rest of this post, I'll simply refer to them as sociopaths.

Many people think of sociopath as criminal sociopath. They think of Ted Bundy, and other serial killers for example. But the truth is, most sociopath are walking around completely  unrecognizable. Think of the saying "You never know what goes on behind closed doors" applies to a sociopath. This makes me think of the current case of Ariel Castro. The man who kidnapped three young girls over a period of 3 or 4 years. He held the girls captive as his own personal sex slaves.They suffered unimaginable abuse. Yet, the neighbors generally like Castro. He had friends. He had coworkers. He had family members. They all thought he was a "nice guy." Castro played guitar, drove a school bus and helped friends with projects around their house. He had Thanksgiving dinner with his family. All the while nobody suspected him of harboring 3 young girls as his own personal sexual toys.

I firmly believe Castro is a sociopath. This means he has no conscience. He has no ability to feel empathy or compassion for another human being other than himself. He is unable to bond. Unable to love. Unable to feel the types of joy we "normal" people feel. He has no sense of himself outside of his victims. His victims are his oxygen. He feels he is dying without them. Not all sociopath are criminal, or go the the lengths that Castro did. They are all individual and each one chooses his/her own "ammo" which they present to the world as who they want you to think they are. Most people believe this facade. This is because sociopaths have had a lifetime to perfect the person they've created for you to think they are.

This is why you need to be very discerning with the people you allow into your life. Look at peoples actions. Words are easy, easy, easy!!! Sociopaths are masters at reading you and knowing what you want to hear. They'll tell you everything you've dreamed you ever wanted. They'll come through with as much as they think they need to keep you. As time progresses the kindness, gifts, thoughtfulness, and attributes that he/she has wooed you with will be dissipate. Slowly, but surely. Overtime it'll take less and less to "keep you." Then before you know it, you realize the person you are with is a total stranger and you wonder if you've ever known them at all. In reality, no you did not know them. You knew the person they chose to create for you.

Remember sociopaths are charming. Castro was a bass player in a local popular rock band. He was someone others liked. Yet, in reality he is someone who was housing 3 sex slaves in chains at home and starving and beating them on a regular basis. I often think of the wolf in sheeps clothing. He is pretty on the outside. Sweet. Disarming. Yet what is inside the wool is much more of a predator than a sweet little lamb that you see on the outside. The wolf in Little Red Riding Hood comes to mind as well. He tells Little Red Riding Hood what he knows she wants to hear because he knows this is the only way to get what he wants from her. You can protect yourself from the wolves in your neighborhood by remembering they are school bus drivers, teachers, doctors, musicians, politicians, CEOs. They come in all walks of life and don't wear a scarlett "S" across their forehead. You don't need to be paranoid and distrustful. But, what you DO need to do is be sure those in your life earn the right to be in your life. Make them earn your trust and respect. Don't be satisfied with words, or promises. Be satisfied with actions and deeds. Ask lots of question and get to know who you are with. Get to know them in a variety of settings and experience. Don't make up a story in your head for what you believe this person is. Read the story that unfolds before your very eyes with your own eyes and mind wide open.

Recognizing a Psychopath or Sociopath

Man Holds 3 Women Hostage as Sex Slaves

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